Confident and Kind Ways to Say “No”: How to Set Boundaries For Yourself

Why should you learn how to set boundaries for yourself?

You finally have a moment to sit down and catch up on your emails when you spot a message from your manager: an invitation to join another committee. Your heart sinks. How to set boundaries for yourself, especially when you’re already juggling too much? It’s flattering though—they think you’re capable. Plus, you’ve always prided yourself on being a team player.

The email gushes: “We’d love to have you on board! We’d really value your perspective!” The pressure mounts. You don’t want to disappoint, but the last thing you need is more responsibility.

You consider backing out, but can’t find the right words. Finally, you reply: “Thanks so much for the opportunity! I’ll do my best to make it work!”

It’s Often Challenging to know how to set boundaries for yourself

How to set boundaries when there’s pressure to say yes often stemming from a desire to avoid disappointing others, fear of seeming uncooperative or uninterested, and the expectation to appear capable and committed. Wouldn’t it be nice if saying “no” felt more authentic, organic, and automatic?

There’s also the fear that saying no will be perceived as laziness or a lack of dedication. A genuine desire to be liked or appreciated can make it difficult to, especially when you want to maintain good relationships. What if you could say “no” and still maintain good relationships?

Here are examples for how to decline while also demonstrating Care and Respect For Others

• "I appreciate your offer, but I’m going to have to pass this time."

• "Thank you for thinking of me, but I won't be able to participate."

• "I understand the importance, but I’m unable to commit right now."

• "That sounds great, but I need to prioritize something else at the moment."

• "I’d love to help, but I’m afraid I can’t take that on right now."

• "I truly appreciate the offer, but I’m going to need to decline."

• "I hope you understand, but that’s not something I can do at this time."

• "It means a lot that you asked, but I’m unable to say yes right now."

• "I’ve thought about it, and I’ll need to sit this one out."

• "Thank you for considering me, but I need to focus on other things right now."

Social and professional dynamics, like wanting to be included or maintain a good reputation, can make it hard to decline, even when you're feeling overwhelmed or need time for yourself. You might worry about missing opportunities for career growth or being a part of a professional community, pushing you to say “yes” even when you’re already stretched thin.

While Respecting Boundaries for Yourself, They Examples Also Offer Support and a Contribution to a Solution

• "I can’t commit to that right now, but I’d be happy to help in another way, perhaps by [suggest alternative solution]."

• "While I can’t take that on, I recommend [name someone else or suggest a different approach]."

• "I’m not able to do that at the moment, but I’d suggest [alternative solution] might work well."

• "That’s not something I can do right now, but I’d be glad to assist with [another option]."

• "I can’t take on that responsibility, but maybe we can explore [another solution] to meet your needs."

• "Unfortunately, I’m not available for that, but [another person/resource] could be a great fit."

• "I’m unable to help in this instance, but I’d suggest considering [another way forward] instead."

• "I’m not able to do that right now, but perhaps we could try [alternative idea] to make it work."

• "I can’t make that happen, but I have a few suggestions that might help, like [offer solution]."

• "I’m unable to do that, but how about we try [suggest an alternative]? It could work really well."

There’s always The Lighthearted and Casual “NO”

• "I’m going to have to pass on that this time."

• "Not today, but thanks for thinking of me.

• "I’m going to have to sit this one out."

• "I’m all booked up, maybe next time!"

• "I need to recharge my batteries—self-care time!"

• "That sounds fun, but I’m going to have to decline this round."

• "I’m going to be a 'no' on that one, but thanks for thinking of me!"

• "My plate is full at the moment, but I appreciate the offer!"

• "I’d love to, but I’ve got to take a rain check."

• "I’m on a mission to protect my time today!"

Saying "no" can be a powerful way to advocate for yourself . By asserting your boundaries with respect, you show yourself the same kindness you like to extend to others. With practice, you can say "no" with grace and strength, while honoring your priorities with less guilt.